Jeanne Zimmerly Jantzi shares her experience healing from the patriarchal abuses she experienced in her life and work.
This blog is part of the ongoing Learn, Pray, Join: Undoing Patriarchy series.
Jeanne Zimmerly Jantzi is a process consultant, who works with congregations, schools and nonprofits. After many years of international assignments with Mennonite Central Committee, she now lives on a conservation easement farm in the Muskingum Watershed of Ohio. She enjoys being outdoors, in all seasons, with her husband, Dan, their adult children, grandchildren and anyone else who wants to be outside. She is a member of Orrville Mennonite Church.
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Ten years ago, I happened to be in Hanoi, Vietnam, on International Women’s Day. Street vendors with five-gallon buckets of flowers strapped to their bicycles positioned themselves every few feet along the side streets and alleys. Almost everyone I walked past carried armloads of roses, orchids or lilies home to honor the women in their family.
This year, International Women’s Day marked the fourth anniversary of my very public resignation as the leader of a Mennonite school. Even at that time, I appreciated the irony of my decision to resist the patriarchy by resigning on that auspicious day. Four years later, that experience is a part of my story, but it does not define me. Healing can happen.
A few weeks ago, a woman in my congregation, who is younger than me, preached a fiery and wonderful sermon on Proverbs 31 and the patriarchy. During the response time after the sermon, a retired pastor shared that she would be healing from the wounds of the patriarchy until the day she died. I am thankful that I am a part of a congregation that can talk about such things in the course of the worship service.
I want the hurt of the patriarchy to stop. I want women to be believed by men, when we share what we have experienced. I want men to recognize patriarchy all by themselves, when they see it, and use their power to make changes. I want women to lead and participate in decision-making, as God has gifted them.
I want women to be healed and free from the wounds of patriarchal systems.
Women need healing from the harm of the patriarchy and to be free to live large as leaders. I want to share some things that have helped me heal and have continued to keep me resilient:
- I believe in my worth as a person created by God, and I feel confident in the gifts God has given me. I have many people to thank for my formation in that area.
- I recognize patriarchy as abuse. I don’t deserve to live with it. I left a work situation that was abusive.
- I belong to a home congregation that values women. After being away from my home area for 35 years, we decided to rejoin the congregation where I grew up. That was possible, because we found that, in those years, the church had changed in its attitudes toward women. My experience of pain would have been completely different if I had not been proactively imbedded in that congregation. I am worried about many women who remain as members in patriarchal congregations. Just as it is right to leave an abusive partner, it seems right to leave a congregation that practices the abuse of patriarchy.
- My mother, even though she’s been gone for more than 20 years, was an important part of my healing. In her lifetime, her God-given wisdom and leadership gifts were often squelched by the church. She frequently vented her frustration and outrage to our family when I was growing up. I am so glad that she did. Her example showed me that anger and righteous indignation are faithful responses to abuse from the patriarchy.
- I decided not to be silent about what I experienced as I led an institution located within a patriarchal community with Anabaptist roots. Because I did not choose privacy for my pain, I received support from many school and community members, as well as friends from various parts of my life around the world. My home congregation and small group heard my story, supported me and cared for me. The wider community of people living beyond the patriarchy gave me understanding, comfort, care and allowed me time to heal.
- I spent days in the woods. After I resigned, I spent the spring and early summer in the woods, on my knees, rooting out invasive multiflora roses, privet and honeysuckle. The forest healed me, even as I worked for the forest’s restoration. Being with other-than-humans allowed me to rest, reset and heal. I had nothing to prove while I was in their company.
- I consider my continued public life, my leadership and my joy in living as an act of resistance to the patriarchy.
Earlier this year, on the 22nd anniversary of my mother’s death, her 90-year-old friend since high school called me on the phone, out of the blue. I knew his name, but I don’t think we’d ever spoken before. He lives in another state. He said, “I don’t know what impressed on me to call you, but have you ever considered pastoral ministry? I don’t really know you, but I know you are Martha’s daughter, and I kept up with what happened to you at the school. I think the things that made some people upset are just what we need!”
His surprising phone call felt like a mysterious gift. It marked the end of my season of patriarchy-pain. How fitting that God used a man to give that blessing.
“Learn, Pray, Join: Undoing Patriarchy” draws attention to the ways in which the current systems in our world and churches create spaces that perpetuate patriarchal norms and do harm to those who fall outside of those norms. This initiative provides tools and resources to help MC USA church communities work toward a more equitable world, in which everyone is treated with the care and respect they deserve, regardless of gender.
You are invited to get involved with Learn, Pray, Join: Undoing Patriarchy.
Support Mennonite Church USA’s Peace and Justice Initiatives by giving here.
The views and opinions expressed in this blog belong to the author and are not intended to represent the views of the MC USA Executive Board or staff.